A Second Chance
by Lady Chou
Summary: What happens after a nobody fades? Do they go to heaven? Hell? Or do they just fade into nothing? Axel finds himself in an strange world with dancing images and voices, talking to no one. Only someone answers, and pulls him into a whole new life.
1. An Introduction

I saw a shooting star today.

_I wish..._

And, I wondered...

_With all my might..._

If Pinocchio can become a real boy…

_On this star tonight…_

Could I become real too?


	2. Purgatory

_I wish…_

_I w-wish…._

_I….w-w—wiiishh.._

END TRANSMISSION

_Don't you…remember me?_

A starless sky gave way to faulty hopes. On and on, the darkness stretched, impenetrable. Somehow, someway, you would find the sun again. Warmth lingered in your heart. And, you shared that heart with me.

_I want to say good-bye…but…I can't…._

"You remind me of him," In pools of lucid blue, I found an echo of your heart. In shining lights of white, I saw your smile. And you were happy. You didn't need me. You were whole. If I can die, I would be happy to die for that smile. So please, keep smiling.

_I….can't…let…go._

A house towers above a field of daffodils, your favorite flower. Laughter fills the meadow with a harmonious melody. It is a melody I will hear in my dreams and in my nightmares. Under an oak we named Mr. Giant, you sit beside me. Gently I take your hand in mine, we line up the fingers. One day, your fingers will grow, and I won't be able to hold your hand anymore.

_I feel no warmth; I feel nothing. This world is covered with opaque fuzz. Beyond the smoke, serenity envelops._

A young woman smiles up at me, warmly welcoming. Her voice comes in whispers, tugging at my blistered hands. Swiftly, she flits about the room, a butterfly. Light shuns away the perpetual darkness. A forgotten window nurtures the blinding stranger. My butterfly brought me a memory.

_Pictures…I… don't…know. A rampant river overflows with…images. I lost your face…in the current._

The water has turned an endless black. Rain nurtured daffodils cast bleak shadows; ashes silhouette the colorless Earth, the remains of wilted flowers. Imprints of fallen brick indent the deadened grass. The walls of a loving fortress have crumbled. A soulless man clings desperately to life, enwrapped in the arms of an aging oak. Its blackened branches intertwined with the man's waning veins; they are one and lost.

_I want to…You…I want….I WaNt…Write a LeTter? Can't remember….Can't remember…the name…Can't remember the name._

Author's Note: This is sort of a second introduction. I wanted to add more, but I wanted to switch perspectives, so to follow through with the pattern I thought it would be better to begin another chapter.


	3. Return to Sender

Author's note: Sorry it took me a while. I went on vacation then I started writing this role-play then I have no more excuses after that. Sorry again. I spell checked and reread it and checked for mistakes, so hopefully it will be okay. Well, hope ya like it. I am so sorry I reposted this three times. I caught a couple more mistakes I wanted to fix.

Am I a…_**memory**_?

It plays like static on a television screen. If you adjust the antennae, flickers flash across the glass, but only last for a brief second. The images are obscure and intangible. Convoluted faces sneer beyond the snow-blurred haze. I float among them.

I can't feel pain. I can't feel sorrow. I can't feel love. I can't feel anything. I tried to reach out, to touch one of the fading figures, but in return, nothing. My arm didn't move. I wanted it to move. I willed it with all my might, everything I had, but nothing. Nothing happened. Something is wrong, terribly wrong. I should be feeling something, right? A red flag is flashing, but nothing registers. What am I supposed to be feeling? I can't remember the word. I can't remember…

Is it because I'm without you?

An endless light scatters the images. They are shadows, crawling and creeping through the cracks. The light, blinding and massive, tears them, leaving them in construed pieces, broken beyond repair.

The light, it burns. A piece of me fell and shattered. The light is breaking me apart, piece by piece.

If I too am a shadow, will…I…fade?

Shadows come and go, fluttering obliviously in the sea of light. Within the depths, there are faces, hidden within the darkness. Rapidly the shadows move. They move as a river, as one. I move with them, move with the current. It is hard not to get swept away. It is hard to be alone; among the shadows, I am among kin. Together, we flow towards the inevitable, the looming brightness. Hopefully, it will be not be my time to go. The light pierces, like a beam, and rips shadows from our symphonic stream. Hopefully, it will not be me.

I am alone because I lost you.

The shard that held your face, unremarkable now, fell into the shadows. The light didn't get you; the darkness did. I wanted to fish you out, I wanted you, but I couldn't reach. I couldn't save you.

It's better to fade, if I can't save you.

Now, you are just a face I can't recognize. I lost your name. I lost your face. I lost you in the current. Please, don't let the light take you away from me. Please, stay with me in the darkness. Please, whoever you are.

I am a thread and I am unraveling.

I was talking. No, I was telling…someone about this place. I can't remember the words. I can't remember what. Something…is missing. I can't complete the…Words…are missing. I can't…remember…them. The…the…can't complete.

I feel lighter. All the burdens of knowledge have been lifted. I am an empty shell.

Soon, it will be my time.

I fell.

_I want to die. This is my choice, this is my burden._

_Light from the cracked hallway door spills onto the linoleum padded floors of my kitchen. Pots and pans should be clinking together, the sounds of a hearty breakfast-in-progress. It is silent. The world fades to black._

_A dog is barking in the distance. I think of my old dog, Rowdy. My mom brought him to us one day. It was no birthday, no holiday. No family friend had offered up a dog she just couldn't handle. Mom just stopped by the animal shelter and bought him. I remember her telling us we should always look out for those in need. At the time, I was sure she meant the dog. It wasn't long before that, she left our cramped apartment. Embracing the dog's soft warm coat was nothing like embracing the bosom of your mother, but somehow it was till comforting. Maybe, in my mom's warped world, this was partially making up for her desertion. Then, it was back to me again. I could only imagine the warped scene displayed on my own kitchen floor. In the end, there is no escaping ending up like your parents. Here I was, deserting. A pang of contempt began a domino effect of doubts. I tucked them away. It was no use; it was already too late. Besides, there was a difference between my mother and I. True, we were both deserters in a timeless war, but one dominating factor set us apart. I wasn't leaving anyone behind. I live…lived…alone. I was only deserting myself. A wave of nausea spread through my body. Black again._

_It's getting hard to think. I can barely see anymore. My kitchen isn't my kitchen. The counters have turned into jagged steppes of rock. The bottom cabinets, wooden with a silver knob attached, twist and convert into swirling whirlpools before my eyes. I cannot imagine what lies within their depths. Dark masses tower above my limp body. They're watching me, vultures ready to devour their dying prey. I'm afraid. Could they be here to take me away? They wouldn't take me to her. There's no way. I could never imagine the looming, enigmatic creatures, bore from the same world. Then, I felt comforted. I guess I truly was warped. If they take me to their world, and she's there, I could be with her to face these demons. I could watch over her. It would be like she never left. We could be…together…_

_Something's hissing! It's so near, but I can't open my eyes! They're holding my body down so I won't escape. The alien shadows are pressing onto my limbs, pulling down my eye lids, clamping my mouth shut. The snake is coming. It's come to eat me. I can hear it slithering, its slimy body rubbing against the linoleum. It's on my body, crawling limb by limb. I can feel its slick belly; slime coats the snake's undertow. It's covering my body! The slime, it burns like acid. I can feel its breathing, it's slithering around my head in a dizzy merry-go-round, wrapping around and around. It's circling my neck, and tightening. I can't breath! I CAN'T BREATH! Make it stop! I can't get it to sto-_

_Fade to black and let go._

I can breath. Fear comes out in waves, emitting from my strangled form. Fear! I can feel fear! The sensation is riveting, but slowly dispersing, interval by interval. With every wave, the tide of emotion falls away. I've never felt anything like it. Actually, I have never felt anything. At least, nothing I can remember. Wait; fear…it's one of the words I lost. I found a word! The intoxicating emotion is almost gone now, but I can't let myself forget. I can't let it have this piece of me. But it isn't a piece of me, is it? I fell into another shadow. It felt like drowning, another feeling I've never experience, but yet recognize. I could hear a voice, see his actions all as if they were happening to me. It was strange. What are these shadows? What are these beings that surround me? And if I am one of them, what am I?

What am I?

I can't remember.

I want to find another shadow. I can't see them as the pass, I can't feel them. They just are. In me, I know what this world is. There is darkness and there is light. It is. It is known. I cannot see my adjoining shadows, but I can see the light. It is always hovering, a reminder to the end. I wonder why I am blind to my fellow companions. I know they are there and so I am not alone. But I want to touch them. I want to speak with them. I want to find the man in the dream. Maybe, he is stuck here like me, searching for the words. The light wants newly-found words, but I can't let it have them. They are everything to me.

There was a surge in the current. The river is running rampant, speeding towards the tunnel of light. I don't want to go. I'm not ready yet. My existence is shifted forward and backward, moving between the darkened forms. I tell myself to move, but again nothing happens. I don't want to be controlled anymore!

When planning sneak attacks, boots are not the best weapon of choice. My feet crunched against the cobbled streets, loud pangs reverberating against the surrounding walls. People passed here all the time, right? Maybe he wouldn't notice. I had my hood over my face, covering my vibrant red hair and vivid green eyes. I was shrouded in a dark mask. Despite my blundering movement, I was concealed by the darkness of our world. The black towers, dotted with scattered lights, blended with my body; we became one. He was just ahead, his back turned away. He was oddly still. Well, for him it wasn't an odd feat. He always had this subdued feel about him. This effort of sneakiness was enough to put strain on me. I hated the quiet and I especially hated going about things slow. I don't like to rush things; it only accelerates mistakes, but I'd rather keep my life in the fast lane. Or…my existence? Can you really call it a life? I'll spare you the philosophy. Besides, it's not really my thing. I live day by day, taking what comes. I don't have the time to ponder my existence. For a guy who never considers the thought, why even bring it up, right? He never stops talking about it. Even now, he's sitting there, looking up at the sky, thinking. It's always something new. Every day he has something to tell me about: the sky, the buildings, and our existence. It just goes on and on. _I was on the edge of the steps now; he still didn't move. I lifted my foot, cutting the air in a quick fluid motion. Fast and light, I ascended each step with expert ease. He would hear me though. The steps were smoother here then the streets, but still, some light tap of my boots will reach his ears. Despite his dreaming mind, he picks up on the little things, the minute details I always miss. And he's never above pointing that out either, the little punk. I was inches away, all was silent, and I was still. My hands, weighed down by the sleeves of my thick black coat, reached forward towards his blond-spiked head. They pulled against his eyes, pushing into his head. I beamed, mission accomplished._

_"Guess who," It was a blunt question. _

_"Get off me," My smile widened, my hands clamping tighter against his face. _

_"Wrong," There was no mistaking the mischief and enjoyment in my voice._

_"Fine," Okay, not the answer I was looking for, but hey, now it was getting interesting._

_"Wrong again," He was still. Well, he was, until he kicked me. He stood abruptly, pulling his knees forward in one speedy motion. He drew back his leg and with all the power he could muster, kicked me in the chest. It knocked my backwards. I fell, landing on the slicing steps; I'd have lines on my butt for weeks. I sighed, smiling._

_"You are no fun." I shook my head, pointed red locks bristling against my high cheek bones; my hood had fallen off mid-land. _

_"Well, you're annoying," His lips were tight, almost in a scowl, but I could tell he was holding back a smile. _

_"Thanks. What were we lost in today?" I cocked my head in mock interest. It never fooled him, he knew me too well._

_"I don't remember someone interrupted my thought," He was being more stubborn than usual. He was usually a bit irritable, but you really had to push the right buttons for it to last this long. Had I crossed some line? I've done this sort of thing before; it never bothered him this much. My fingers circled the gray stone of the steps, watching him with narrowed eyes._

_"What's wrong with you today?" As much as I liked messing with him, I liked to see him smile more than anything. I usually did value a good challenge, but I could tell, today, it would be a futile battle. It was best just to point out the obvious. He seemed to have the same thought of compliance. He sighed, matching my own prior admission. _

_"I don't know. I just have this feeling," He was always feeling something. That's what made him unique. It's what drew me to him._

_"So?" I waited, knowing there was a lot more to it than that. _

_"Axel, did you ever feel like there was more to life than this?" Not this again. I almost rolled my eyes, but stopped short. There was significance in his eyes; they were beseeching. My heart sank. I wanted him to smile, but when he laid those sad blue eyes on my green, there was no escaping his trance. I had to indulge him. _

_"Thanks," He acknowledged the effort. I gave him an expectant look, he blushed._

_"Don't be embarrassed, just spit it out," I grumbled. So, maybe my light attitude was dispersing a little. Part of me hated when he got like this._

_"You'll laugh at me," He was making his own circles now. It didn't seem like him. This was going to be a doozey. _

_"When have I ever laughed at you?" I looked at him squarely, grim. Surprisingly, he turned his gaze back onto mine, smiling. I lit up inside._

_"I think the better question would be when aren't you laughing at me?" We both chuckled. Hey, he was right. Not only that, but it lightened the mood. He would be ready now. When the laughter started to die, his face drew back again, it was unreadable. He sighed, a different sigh, a hopeful sigh. He titled his face skyward, his eyes glittering. The street lights shimmered in his light blue. I liked to watch them dance. It was soothing. _

_"It's time to find the stars again," He reached his hand up, for what, I don't know._

_"What stars?" I really had no idea what he was talking about._

_"Lights from the sky, maybe different worlds," He had that dreamy look in his eyes. The reflected lights glazed over._

_"Different worlds?" Now, I was curious._

_"Yeah, I know they're out there, somewhere," He wouldn't give me any more than that. His jaw was set, his eyes bent on watching the blank sky. I was silent, his signal to go on._

_"I'm going to find them one day. I'm going to go where they are," He was embarrassed again, I could tell by his flushed cheeks._

_"Where are you getting this information?"  
"I just know…" He shrugged, half-hearted; his shoulder went up, but sagged downward in defeat. He knew he wasn't making any sense, he knew it. Then, as easily as his posture had deteriorated into that of a pitiful wretch, he was whirling around pointing an accusing finger at me. His eyes were blazing with some fire, I'd never felt before. Somehow, he seemed to be able to share things with me he wasn't even aware of. When he was happy, suddenly this world seemed brighter. When he was sad, it felt like a great weight was pressing down on my chest. But the fire was one thing I'd never mirrored. I call it fire because it danced and leapt from his eyes as actual fire did in my own hands. He called it passion. _

_"Axel, I'm not crazy, okay? I mean don't you ever feel it to? Like some big thing is tugging at you or you're just drawn to something you can't explain? You can't tell me you've never felt like there was something more out there! There has to be, Axel. There just has to be," I wanted to tell him, there was nothing and I had never felt a tug or any feeling for that matter. That is, until I met him. To me, that was my dawning reprieve. He was my world, the only proof that there was light beyond the perpetual dark. There was fire out there burning a hole through this world. But I couldn't tell him that because a new emotion was taking control. I didn't know it. It felt horrible. It was my turn to look to him, a burning question singing my lips, but I couldn't say it, I couldn't even form it in my mind. He was pacing now running his fingers in and out of his hair. He would stop, stare skyward, and continue pacing. I wasn't even there anymore. Quieter than ever before, quieter than the unspoken question in my mind, I was behind him. I touched his shoulder, resting my hand there._

_"Well, send me a postcard, okay?" I didn't even give him time to answer before I was gone, descending the steps two by two. I could feel his open-mouth expression on my back though, searing a new hole in this…heart? Once, he had told me it hurt his heart to think about the other worlds. For me, Instead of pain, there was nothing but a deep vacancy. Maybe, mine, was broken. I thought to turn my head, take one last look before I traversed into the night, but something stopped me. The sick emptiness stopped me. Somehow, if I looked back, I knew something even worse would fill the void. Something too painful to bear._

_That was the last time I saw him. Well, the last time I saw him as he used to be. The last time I could call him friend._

I fell into a memory. And, I found a piece of me. A name. Axel. I don't know how I know, but I do. It's mine. It's hard to believe that anything exists beyond this. It's hard to believe I was ever anything more than just static, growing fuzzier and hazier the deeper I fell. But this time, it's becoming clearer. The piece fit. The light stole my name, stole my memory of you, and I fell into it. I fell into my own memory. But I still don't understand. Why do I feel so empty? The piece fits perfectly in the empty void. Shouldn't I feel…complete? Instead, I feel like I'm being ripped apart inside. There is some incompleteness swallowing me whole. It's not light. It's a pure and rueful black. And it's tearing me piece to piece, limb from limb. And, I can't help but think it's because of you. I can't remember your name, but it's because of you it hurts so much, right? Is that what I've gained? Pain? No. This is something much deeper than pain. Even in this state, I know, this is something much crueler. And still, I don't understand. If it hurts so much to think about you, then why can't I stop? Why won't it let me? The memory keeps playing over and over in my head, a familiar disembodied voice narrating an all too familiar tale. When it reaches the end, the voice grows distant, and the pain becomes unbearable. It's so much than drowning. It's so much more than anything I could've imagined. What is this feeling? Make it stop! Please, make it stop! I don't want this anymore!

The memory stops. Only, the image is still there, a face I don't know.

The light wants me. But I won't let it have me. I'm not just a shadow anymore. My name is Axel and I am not just another face hidden in the current! I am not a MEMORY! I want to break free of the river, swim far, far away, but it won't let me free. I think it knows; it knows I'm not like them. Faster and faster, the current seems to move, propelling me towards that blinding light. I won't let it have me! Not anymore…

I'm closer now. I can feel it against me, pulling the vestiges of my existence apart. As long as I can keep the name, it's okay. As long, as I know I exist, I can survive. Even if that means, feeling this void, I'm okay with that. Because I want to exist. I don't know why. As we come nearer and nearer to the light, the feeling seems to grow stronger and stronger every day, but something else is growing too. I keep seeing that face, but it's faded a little more each time. A line isn't there anymore, creasing the edges of smiling lips. A dancing reflection, deep within the left eye, is just gone. I can't let the piece fade, even though it hurts. This existence, this Axel, won't let me. He, I, want it more and more.

The ride gets bumpier.

"…_locked her away in the highest tower," A voice is whispering._

"_There weren't any door?" A tiny voice mirrors._

"_No," A man with red hair, slicked back in a pony tale shook his head, smiling. _

"_Then, how can she breathe!" The tiny voice belts._

"_There's was a window," A chuckle. _

"_Oh.._

"**Reno…Reno…please…Can you hear me?**_" _A shadow stands in a doorway of light.

It's coming closer. I can't escape the shadows…they're pulling me under…A man...I don't know…Who...A voice.

"…_her hair grew longer day by day until it was as long as the tower itself," His voice is hypnotic, beating a somber rhythm._

"…_That's…" She yawns, "A…lot…of hair," Her head falls onto his shoulder. He smiles down at her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. His eyes fall back into the distance._

"_So, one day, the princess sat brushing her hair and a prince saw her from the windo-_

"**I've been waiting for you…for a very long time. And, it's been too long, Reno. I don't know what's going to happen. Please, just come back to me…please…" **The words break off. She hums, sometimes speaking in comforting, undecipherable whispers.

They're pushing further. It's almost here. I DON'T WANT TO GO! Do you hear me!? I don't want to go to the light! Stop...please…I can hear a voice and it's getting louder. SAVE ME FROM THIS!

"…_the witch didn't know, but the prince had concocted an idea to save the princess." He pauses, staring back down at the little girl. Her eyes are closed; she sleeps against his chest._

"_Don't…stop…" Tired murmurs escape past her parted lips._

"_So, the prince went to Repunzal and tells her,'Repunzal, Repunzal let down your long hair' so she let it down, reaching the ground. So, the prince climbed up the tower using the hair as rope," His voice grows quieter._

"_Ow…" Her breathing slows._

"**Come back, Reno! If you're out there somewhere, come back to me. Please, come back to me. Follow my voice, Reno, follow it!" **She reaches through the light; the darkness remains whole.

Who are you!? I don't know what you're talking about! My name is Axel and I don't want to GO!

"_And, so the prince saved the princess from the evil witch," His voice dies off, completing the tale .He gives the girl a final kiss goodnight and they lived happily ever after. The end. _

"**RENO!"**

I've reached the end. There is nothing left. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

The light swallowed **whole.**


	4. Awakened

_I'm beginning to wonder if there's a difference between the reality and the __**dream**__…?_

_I can hear crying…_

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,"

…_and singing…_

"You make me happy when clouds are gray,"

…_there's something in the words… _

"You'll never…"

…_more than just a melody… …_

"...know…just how much I love…"

…_the words…break off.._

_into_

_ pieces._

"…_you…so please don't…t-take.."_

_It ends. _

I can feel my insides, pressing and compressing beneath the skin. I can feel the cracks, silvery and broken creeping up and down my arms, splitting the cells from the core. I can feel the wounds open, geysers of puss and blood.

I'm deteriorating from the inside.

…But I can't feel…

It's getting tighter; I'm running out of room. The walls are closing in. How do I run away? I want to run away! How do you run from the inside?

An incessant clock ticks away the hours.

_Beep…_

I pray for the end.

_ Beep…_

It's so bright.

_ Beep…_

I'm drowning from the inside.

_ Beep…_

I can feel it, the final pinch, in my chest.

It's finally here.

_ Beep…_

Maybe…

_I'm falling._

It won't be so bad…

_Backward…_

Maybe…

_into…the…light…_

it's okay to die.

"Patient is stable, doctor," Light fingers trace the edges of a tattered hand. Across the wrist, pale imprints fall alien against spidery blue veins. Veins in which life flows steadily through. Oxygen comes through the mouth, down into the lungs, and finally, befriends the blood. The daughter of nature and the father of life dance through the circuitry and everything they touch turns to gold, red, and brown, the colors of the dying leaves. Wind has danced with the autumn child and with it brings the spirit of the dead youth, tainting the cheeks a rose-red.

"Ms. Bell, be sure to keep a vigil on vitals for the rest of the night. Have family and friends been contacted?" The astute man screamed authority as he towered massively above a blurred woman in pink. Squeakily she replied,

"Yes. There was only one contact on the list though. No answer at home," Suddenly, the man shifted, moving closer to the motionless body.

"I wonder what kind of life he's waking up to." A door closed and fluorescent lights were flicked off, leaving the scene in a familiar darkness.

Body to body, warmth left her lips, staining his pale cheek. Then, as if in apology, the cool caress of a solemn tear slid down, mending. Her breathing fell into an erratic rhythm, steady, sharp, steady, sharp, steady. She was waiting; anticipation eating away at her inside. She was breaking; hope only lead to sorrow. She drummed her fingers against the rail of the bed. The plastic drum made for little company as it sounded its melancholy war cry. Hopelessness was winning out. The little drummer boy, first into battle, would be the first to perish. Accompanied by her right hand on the drums, her left hand drew circles across the rim, scratches joining the painful song.

"S-stop," Her heart skipped a beat, her fingers drummed faster, anticipation breaking into a solo, calling out victory.

"Agh, stop," The words were hardly audible, grunted more than spoken. The lips barely parted, pink chasing away a long endured blue. She held on edge, finally, the fingers were restive, enjoying the bounty of a long fought battle. And, her heart stopped. Her breath caught in the back of her throat. The brilliance of two green eyes, welcoming in the streaming sunlight, reflected in her soft blue.

"Reno," The words came out in a whisper. He didn't move. He didn't respond. He just stared at her, blank. And just like that, it was over. He fell back into slumber. But she didn't move. She watched his motionless body. Waiting? Adoring?

"Miss?" The stout pink-clad nurse shook the woman's shoulder gently. Before the nurse was prepared, before the girl had caught her breath, she spun on her heal, staring downward into the woman's eyes.

"He woke up. He spoke to me," She could feel the tears, but she couldn't stop them. A river of held back feelings fell in a water fall. "I'm just so happy."

"She said he woke up," The nurse, peered over her half-moon spectacles at the doctor. And the doctor, back turned toward the nurse, peered in through the window of patient number eight, Reno Milford. A woman, not younger than twenty but not older than twenty-five, held perfectly still beside the patient's bed, staring too, at his serene face.

"His vitals?" It was something he couldn't understand. It was something he'd never had. She was so devoted to him, even in slumber. In her eyes, there was limitless hope. In her eyes, his reflection became alive. It was as if the slumbering man was awake and staring, through her eyes.

"Improving still," The woman flicked through a record sheet.

"Good," There was an absence in his voice; he spoke, yet he wasn't truly there. He was in the room, watching the girl. She was like a child on Christmas day, anxious to open her presents. Yet, a soft mildew held steady on the film of her eyes; sorrow dwelled deep within.

"Visitation is almost over, sir," The nurse, tapped the doctor on the arm. Her brown purse was slung over her shoulder, leaving fine indents where the weight relented. A folder full of patient reports accompanied the other hand. She was a picture of a soldier at arms, waiting for her commander's dismissal.

"Is it?" She nodded and nodded to the two, the girl and her sleeping prince. She paused, waiting for more, a word of good-bye? He didn't even turn back to her; he just remained still, eyes trained on the solemn room. The nurse shrugged her shoulders and with that, was off. The doctor pushed off of the wooden station, paused before the door, and left. It wouldn't hurt to give them just a little more time.

She held his hand in hers, tracing every wrinkle. "Reno," The named rolled off the tongue with warmth. She spoke it as if it was all and everything in the world. It was entirety. The slumbering man remained stagnant. She didn't talk anymore; she just stared. Prior anticipation and hopes gave way to calm and knowledge. He would wake up. There were no doubts in her mind about that. It was a just a matter of waiting and if she had to, she would wait an eternity. He shifted. The girl held her breath. This could be it! She felt his fingers flutter beneath hers. Then, they were gone. His fingers had been ripped from her hand, scratching the palm. It all happened in a blur. The next thing she was aware of was the pounding of her heart.

The man's eyes burst open, the pupils small and obscured; every light, however small, burned. He tore at the sheets, at his clothes. His breathing came heavy and burdened. The beeping of the pulse-ox meter intensified, playing like a bar of a thousand sixteenth notes, one after the other after the other after the other. His hands turned into clawed weapons, digging at plugs and machines. The IV on his right wrist stared back him, taunting him from within and from the outside. What was it? Why was it? He wanted it out! He lounged for the cable and tore. Then, came the screams. Pain, the man could feel it tainting his flesh. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced. He was one fire. His entire body was on fire. His eyes, bending to the darkness and light, focused on the hospital around him and the screams came again. The human cries and mechanic beeping filled the room with a horrid melody. The girl shook from head to toe, her eyes widening in fear.

Then, he turned on her. His eyes cutting into hers like knives. She couldn't breath.

"Reno," Her voice squeaked out, barely audible. Her hand still hung in the air, where he'd left it. Now, he grabbed, digging his violent force into her flesh. He pulled her toward him. Her chest hit against the metal awnings, rivulets of pain descended from her torso. His eyes accused her, burned her, cut her.

"Who are you?"

But despite her failed attempts at breathing, despite the bruises forming on her chest, this hurt most of all.

Author's Note: I have to fix something in a prior chapter. I didn't really make Roxas very Roxy. I forgot he was so…angry. I don't think I edited that much. Maybe a line or two. I fixed it, but haven't submitted it yet. Also, pulse-ox meter…my mom is a nurse so I asked her what to call the machine. She told me that's what she calls it. Also, this has nothing to do with Final Fantasy Seven (I haven't even played that game. I think it's seven…). Just so we're clear. Some of the things I did with spaces gots messed up here. I made the beeps staggered and the into pieces staggered as well. : ( I liked it that way. Oh...well...


	5. Out of the Dream

_There's a mirror in the corner of the room. Someone I don't know stares out of the reflection._

_Who am I?_

The blinds ripple lightly, drawn by a vagrant wind. Sunlight peaks below the waving curtains and draws away at breath's end.

It's laughing at him.

It becomes a game of hide and seek. The sun seeks; he hides. He closes his eyes, counting away the seconds it takes for the sun to disappear, but every time he opens them again, it's closer. Creeping nearer and nearer, he's almost found. Its laughter graces his skin, warming the exterior.

Or is it eating away his flesh? Again and again, coming back for more? Each times it takes away a piece and soon, it will have devoured him completely.

Yet, it feels like everything. It feels like fire: brilliant and terrible. It feels familiar, yet that very act of feeling is unknown. It's like fire: alive and deadly, forgotten and known.

It's everything he ever wanted, but never knew.

_Will I come to know me?_

The man eased his eyes open; wide pupils diminished into scrutiny. The stucco walls, the sun's deadly rays, the humming fluorescents burned his retinas. Quickly, he closed his eyes; they left a mark. Beneath the veil of skin, blues and reds danced in the darkness, remnants of a daunting reality.

_There is no escape. _

Unheeded, unwilled, his hands held tightly to the soft linens of the bed. The cloth felt soft and comforting against the roughness of his palm. Tension fell away. It was as if the sheet absorbed all his worries. It wrapped itself around him and protected him from the blaring light; it added fire to the cold. He slept in a fortress and nothing could touch him. If only he knew how easily the walls would tumble. The brick was thin and the enemy great.

The earth shifted and the walls fell, fell away.

The man was lying on his side, facing away from the door. A great mass indented the right and the tectonic plates collided, creating a rift in flow of thought. The last brick was crumbling below his fingertips; he barely held on. The sheet was lifted from over his face and a cool touch caressed his forehead.

"You're burning up," A clicking noise accompanied the disembodied voice. The sound of a pen on paper followed. "Can I talk to you, Reno?" The force's husky call softened. There was no response. "You gave Ms. Law quite a scare yesterday," He waited, nothing. "I know you're awake, Reno." He was demanding something without demanding anything.

"Ms. Law says you talked to her," He paused. "Won't you talk to me, Reno? I just want to help you." His tone was light and welcoming. The man on the bed shifted toward him, slightly, opening his eyes. He wanted something to hold on to. The lull of this anomaly felt like the hum of night. It felt like something tangible. Brilliant green eyes met the doctor's soft brown.

"Green eyes," The way he said it, it sounded important. The pen didn't move. It was important, but not important enough to stash away in the records of immortality. "You've been sleeping for quite a while now, Reno. This is the first time we've met, eye to eye," The doctor smiled, but the man remained stoic and cold. "Your temperature is on the higher side today. It's about 100 F. Hopefully, we can get that lowered." He brought a clip board up to his lips, covering half of his whiskered face. He scribbled here and there, scratching rapidly and repeatedly.

"Reno-"The doctor had begun.

"Who is Reno?" The voice cracked and came in a whisper from lack of use. The doctor's pen stopped, impeded by the weight of his voice.

"What?" He didn't look up; he waited.

"Who is…Reno?" The voice was even quieter than before, but the doctor listened closer. It was first contact. The doctor cocked his head heavenward; he eyes searching the panels of the ceiling. He was waiting for the words. The wrong one could shatter their weak and thin connection.

He took a deep breath, "You are Reno." He said each word with slow deliberation. "You are Reno Milford." The doctor's eyes fell back to the man. Nothing. The man's eyes didn't register; they were blank. The doctor began to stand, leaning over to the man's night-stand. He ran the pen across a blank slip and once finished, ripped it from its containment.

"I think we'll need to do another CAT scan," He wasn't watching the man anymore. He couldn't watch him. What would it be like to wake to a world you didn't recognize? In his neglect, he didn't see as the man reached his sweating figures against his cold. The thin fingers barely grasped at the doctor's, but the doctor felt the desperation.

"My name…My name is…Axel," The doctor let his face slowly fall to meet the man's.

"You're name is, Axel?" Well-contained worry burst forth from a century old damn. He rapidly began again with the pen, marking a blank note.

What would it be like to wake to a world in which you didn't belong?

Her head was bent towards the ground. In her face you could find all the sorrow of the world. Her dainty hands were bent in the shape of triangle, motionless in her lap. Her body didn't move save for the slight trembling of her lips. Even then, her silky blond hair hid away her soft-featured face. The light blue of her t-shirt darkened as solemn tears fell, one by one.

"He didn't know me." She whispered to herself and to the world. Her heart beat lightly in her ears accentuating the pulsing pain of the bruises above her breast and across her wrists. She remembered gentle hands. What were these that grasped her now? So lost in her memories, she didn't even hear the tread of a nurse's Keds.

"Ms. Law?" The nurse's voice was quiet; she was giving her the option to look or look away.

She titled her head forward; a single tear curved and fell from the tip of her chin.

"The doctor would have a word." She turned away, giving the woman her privacy. The woman rubbed her palms against her face, slapping lightly at her cheeks.

_It's time to wake-up, Victoria,_ She thought, rising from the plastic waiting-room chair. She went to the side of the nurse and together, they set off to see the doctor.

"Ms. Law, are you well?" It was customary in greeting, but he knew she was drowning in hopelessness.

"I'm fine." She smiled, almost-white teeth lighting the room and dying as pink lips snuffed out completely.

"We did another Cat scan on Mr. Milford." He held up a translucent sheet. Beyond the clear black, she stared into the fuzziness of the light ahead. The pictures meant nothing to her. What was there to see, but the light beyond them?

"I'm sorry I don't know what those mean, sir," Victoria was one of those rare souls that still used the term "sir" when speaking to an older adult. If the thought were to cross her mind to say, "Tell me in English, ya old geezer," she would surely condemn herself to hell.

"Well, Ms. Law, it seems we caught a small tumor we had previously missed. It looks benign to me, but we'll be running some more tests." He paused. His eyes suddenly caught a vibrant intensity. He took in a deep, long-drawn breath. He was afraid. His voice grew quiet and slow; it was the cushion for a fall. "Ms. Law, Reno Milford seems not know his own name." He looked away from her. He couldn't do it. He couldn't stand to see the look on her face. "We questioned him a little further. He didn't remember anything. Will you tell me, Ms. Law, did Mr. Milford ever own a cell phone?" He would not meet her gaze.

Her voice said it all. "Yes," She squeaked.

"It seems he does not remember what a cell-phone or phone is. I attempted to explain the concept, but it seemed out of his grasp." He took a breath. There was more? "He seems to think he's someone else. We think it may be from brain damage he'd suffered in the incident or from the tumor. We can investigate the tumor, but if he's suffered unknown brain damage…" He heard her sharp intake of breath. "There's no way to restore the brain to its prior state. If he's lost his memories, there's no guarantee, he'll ever get them back. We've had very little activity from him. If he has no command of simple concepts, he may be in a state that would need constant attention. You're the only family listed, Ms. Law. We can help you make accommodations for him, if need be, but we'll do the best we can," She heard the shifting of a coat and heavy footsteps, nearing. She felt as his cold fingers held her shoulder for a moment and let go. She didn't see him. She couldn't see him, not beyond the fall of her tears.

"Wait," It was an effort to choke out the words. "Can I at least talk to him?" She turned slowly to face the doorway and out of her haze, saw him nod.

"We'll have a nurse check-in and have her come to you if he's stable," Stable. She twisted her wrists in her hands. Pain seared through her nerves. Even if he hated her, even if he wanted to rip her to pieces, it wouldn't matter. She just wanted him to remember.

The lights were dimmed; scattered fragments from the adjacent window marked the walls. It seems as if they were floating in space, floating among the stars. His back was turned against her, toward that same window. Did he see something out there, he couldn't find in here? She glided across the linoleum finding a place on the chair beside his bed.

"If you're awake, don't say anything," He didn't respond. He didn't move. "You…probably don't know me." Her words, at first, came slow and weak. She teetered on the edge of tears. "At least, not anymore." She twisted the cloth of her shirt between her fingers. "I wanted you to wake up so badly. I waited and I waited and you finally did." She smiled. "I was happy." She looked down. "I-I didn't know it would be like this." She turned her head away. She couldn't stand to look at even the figure of him anymore. "I wish you could remember me." She laughed. "Maybe this is better. We can start over, you know." She nodded solemnly to herself, shaking away the laugh. "We can start from the beginning…" She sighed. "I'm done." She eased the chair backward; it made light squeaking noises as it sailed across the floor. Her feet padded away, softly, to the door.

"Wait," She'd barely heard it, but automatically, she knew it. She paused at the door, not daring to move. She couldn't break this moment. If she broke it, she might wake up and realize it was all just a dream.

"If you want, you can tell me about him." His voice was familiar yet broken. Still, the fragments completed her. "You can fill in the missing pieces." His voice was soft, but she heard every word. His back was turned away, but she still nodded. She smiled to herself at the folly.

"Okay, Reno." She whispered softly,"Sweet dreams." He heard the door close with a soft thud. She was gone.

"Reno," He spoke to the darkness. It didn't feel right. It felt out of place amid the black "I'm sorry."

His eyes drooped and slowly, closed.

Axel faded into the welcoming arms of oblivion.

Author's Note: My shoes are Keds. My friend who works at JC Penny told me Keds were really popular with nurses. CAT scan…At first I put M.R.I, but I thought they wouldn't do a full body, would they? I have no idea if CAT scan is the right term or even how to spell it. My. Bad. I feel like I got lazy or something nearing the end. Thanks for reading.


	6. Play Pretend

_The spot-lights on me_

_Sweaty palms, sweaty palms_

_The curtain opens,_

_Breathe in, breathe out_

_Everyone and everything is silent,_

_Cricket, Cricket_

_With parting lips and racing mind, _

_I forgot..._

_Line? _

"I think it's alive," Axel's hand, slyly, assailed from the front, poking gently, the alien substance. The blue square jiggled back. Minute trembles grew into waves as the blue Jell-O hula-danced amid green peas and steamed carrots. The peas began to roll forward, inching toward the alluring courtesan. No guys, Axel thought, but it was already too late. The little green spheres fell, lost forever to the Jell-O's terrible regime. It was a life of non-stop jiggle and wiggle; the peas were a slave to the all-night, all-day boogey. Wait, Axel tightly clenched the fork in his left, hiding it beneath the bottom-side of the lunch tray. Was it too late? Did the peas yet have a savior? The fork lunged across the chicken leg, diving beneath the cover of the tower of steamed carrots. The blue Jell-O continued to shake. Was it on to him? It was too late to give up now! With grace and agility, Axel lifted the fork and dived, dived, div-

"What are you doing?" Axel, fork frozen in mid-air, titled his head towards the door.

Her hair was tied back in a pony-tail; it swung like pendulum, back and forward, mesmerizing. Below, she wore a simple v-neck tank top accompanied by a simple white jacket. Her khaki capris swished as she sidled to his bed, her arms ladled with a square package draped in thin white tissue. His eyes appraised the details, drinking in each wrinkle and cranny. He was collecting memories.

"I'm...eating." Gently, he placed the fork beside the dancing Jell-O. You win this time, Axel thought, narrowing his eyes. Victoria raised an eyebrow, but decided it would be better to ignore his intense concentration on the Jell-O.

"I brought something of yours today," She sat in the chair next to his bed. It used to be against the wall in the corner by the window. Now, every day, it would remain by the bed, usually empty. Sometimes, she filled it. Other times, it waited for her and only for her. Axel glanced over to the window. Somehow, the area looked desolate in the chair's absence. It was as if the wall was missing a part of itself.

"I'm sorry it's so dusty." She ran her fingers across the white paper. A cadence of light cracking noises ascended. "I had it stored away." She blushed. "I know it was probably wrong of me to take it from your apartment." She looked down, again and again smoothing away the blemishes of cracked tissue. "I didn't want it to be stolen. If you woke up, I know you'd want it." Suddenly, she looked up. "I swear I took care of it and everything. I even wrapped it in this tissue paper. It's just tha-" Axel blinked, his eyes vacant of any emotion. It was completely over his head.

"I'm sorry. I keep forgetting you forgot." She giggled, "That sounds funny, doesn't it? Forgetting you forgot, but I mean, it's not funny!" She smacked her hand to her lips, trying to cover up the awkward words. It didn't work. The mind over-powered the nerves and the jaw began again. "I'm sorry. I'm so insensitive. I just don't kno-"

"What is it, anyway?" Anything to get her to stop. Anything. This was how their days together went. Axel blinked. She freaked.

"Oh, right!" She fingered the corner of the tissue paper, tearing at it slightly. "Hey, you know, why don't you open it?" She smiled. "It'll be like opening a present. Do you remember a Christmas or a birthday?" Her blue eyes glittered under the buzzing fluorescents.

"Christmas?" Axel's raised an eyebrow, imitating her earlier expression.

"Oh, I guess not. Well here or let me get that, first," She slid the plastic plate off of the lunch table, dropping it lightly on the nigh-stand. One last time, she ran her fingers across the wrapped gift, as if hesitant to let it go. Slowly, she lifted her head, her eyes bearing into his questioning green. She looked away. Whatever she had been looking for. It wasn't there.

"Just unwrap the tissue," She let the shrouded object bounce onto the vacant lunch tray. Axel eyed the present, fingering the tattered corner and smoothed creases. Victoria was silent. With a sharp intake of breath, he ripped down the center. The paper, joined almost as one, diverged. Axel hated the noise. It was an opening and a closing. Hidden beneath the skin, something shimmered and glittered, beautiful. But what was there to lose: the joined hands of kindred souls broken in two. Was it right to make the sacrifice?

"Well?" Victoria prodded. Axel blinked at her, dazed. For a moment, he'd been lost. But lost in what?

"It's...well...it's" Axel held it up to the light. Fluorescents flashed, reflecting against clear plastic covers.

"It's a photo album," Gently, she took the book into her hands, placing it onto her lap. It seems like a perfect fit, familiar. The cover was brown leather and cracked with age. Beige foam peaked up form the fractures. A worn, button-adorned clasp held the water-stained album together. Threads fell away from the light brown button; it had been sown on in the place of the fallen original. Carefully, she slid the button past its opening flap, releasing it at last. Invisible to human eyes, a thin layer of dust blanketed the air around them. And it fell, silently, back to earth, collecting in invisible pools. A single speck, lightly, balanced unstable on the end of Victoria's lashes. Victoria slipped her beneath the cover of the album and slowly, lifted. With a blink, the dust descended, returning to the motherland.

Axel was fascinated by Victoria. She sat with legs-crossed, engrossed in the blank page of an empty book. At least, it was empty to him. Axel could see (though he could not go) she was in another world. Did you get there by boat? Car? Plane? No. It was an invisible transportation and he could not gain passage. He wanted to see what she saw, get lost in that same visage. Maybe Reno's memories didn't belong to him, but sometimes, he wanted them more than anything. He wanted a world to escape to.

"Look," She held the book by the bind, stationing it back on the tray. "It's your name. Ring a bell?"

"THIS ALBUM BELONGS TO" boldly decorated the exterior of the title page. Beneath, in faded answer, was a barely legible signature:

Reno E. Milford

The d's tail extended near the "n" of belong, far above the standard. It was reaching for the unreachable.

"It's your signature." She slid her index finger across the page underlining the spidery scripture. He wanted to touch it. Could he? What if it disappeared? He hesitated. It was a written memory, almost tangible. Finally, he pressed his finger against the thin text, tracing each letter, one by one. It was more than it appeared. The curve of the "d", the dot of the "I", all meant something. Each letter was a memory, a part of Reno Milford. It was his father's middle name, Edwin. It was his mother's home. It was his family's legacy. Axel couldn't see any of it. All he saw was a near blank page.

"Oh," Could she see the longing in his eyes? Even worse, could she see the lie?

"Is it...familiar?" Her eyebrows touched down upon her eyes, hoping.

"A little," Axel smiled, falsely. She smiled back, lit up inside. It wasn't hard, just to play pretend.

She stretched her arm across the tray, reaching for the corner of the album page. Clenched between, index and thumb, she lifted the page toward her. An array of smiling faces leered back.

They were pictures. A woman, tall, brown-headed, leant against the bark of an old tree, laughter in her eyes. A man, tall and slim, slept, soundlessly on the cushions of a maroon sofa. Then, there was a little girl, looking away from the lens. The man held her in his arms, smiling down at her. Axel couldn't take his eyes away.

"This," Her finger jabbed at the picture of a woman, "You told me is your mother." She sailed across the page to the man. "This is you, in your younger days. And," She paused, looking first to his vacant face and then to the page. With slow caution, she found the last picture, the little girl.

"She was your daughter." Daughter? Was? Axel inclined his head, sharply, to meet her eyes. Only, there were no eyes to meet. She wouldn't look at him. "She died before I met you. I never knew her." She ran her hands over the plastic covered pages, brushing at some invisible dirt, evasive. "I'm sorry." Axel found himself staring at the daughter's face, aloofness in her eyes and posture. She was bored. She was small. Then, he scanned upward, finding Reno's face frozen in time.

She had been his world.

Axel's neighbor mumbled incoherently in his sleep. The white sheet was drawn between the two beds, but it was not sound proof. Some nights Axel found himself horrified at the mysterious noises beyond the white sheet. Other nights, he was intrigued. He didn't dare take a peak.

Well, actually, he had, just once and once had been enough. It had been so much; he wanted to erase it from his memory completely. Memory...he was building memories, false memories, memories that didn't belong to him. They were memories he would eventually forget, right? He wouldn't stay in this body forever, would he? Reno would come and claim it, right? Axel would be Axel again, wouldn't he?

He didn't even know how this had happened. Where was he? How had he gotten here? What happened before all this? Weren't there any memories that belonged to Axel?

There was nothing.

Axel pounded at his head lightly with his fists. Why couldn't he just remember? He closed his eyes, searching beyond the darkness of unopened doors.

Nothing, notta, zilch, zero.

There was nobody there.

Slightly, Axel peaked into the gloom of his room. Streetlights twinkled beneath shivering blinds. An alarm clock near his bed blinked green, shading his white linens the same hue. Then there was the album sprawled across the top of the night-stand, unmoving and inert. Yet his eyes lingered there. She had told him, she would leave it, but he didn't have to look through it. Quietly, almost inaudible, she had said something more; she had said some memories are better left forgotten.

What had she meant by that? What had happened to Reno that was so terrible?

There was the girl, his girl. Axel shook his head, brushing away the images, the guilt?

Unknowing, Axel had retrieved the book from its cove. Now, it lay lifeless across his lap.

He started for the corner, for the open...

He couldn't do it. It was more than just an album. They were more than just pictures. They were lives. They had been real living people, and those people had made this album to preserve their lives, their memories. And they didn't belong to him. No matter how hard he strained his eyes over them, memorized each face, they would never become his. It was futile, but still, his eyes were affixed to the blank brown leather. There was something inside of him, something new and unknown. It wanted him to open it. It wanted him to become this man, this Reno Milford. It wanted him to live. It wanted their memories.

Axel was a nobody. He was nothing. Nobodies couldn't feel. Nobodies weren't alive! Axel couldn't accept it. The pounding in his chest was just another thing that didn't belong to him. It was stolen property. It meant nothing!

It could be his. The heart inside could belong to him, all he had to do was put on a disguise and he would finally feel. He would be more than just a puppet; Axel would be real.

He flipped to the second page; he couldn't stand to look at the little girl's face any longer.

In the center, there she was again, sparking his guilt. She was smiling forward this time, flowers held up above her head. Axel scanned down, quickly. Below her, there was a picture folded over, the white mat up. Axel slid his hand under the plastic covering, grabbing for the hidden photo. With surprising eagerness, he unfolded it, smoothing it out across his mattress. He could just make it out in the eerie green light of the alarm clock. The crease of the fold dented two fingers standing upright on a porch painted white. There was the man, Reno and a woman, the face cut away. A slight figure was the only remains of the photographed memory. Who was she or who had she been? Axel frantically flipped through, page by page, glimpsing at each picture as it passed.

She wasn't in it again.

What had she done to have been erased?

Axel turned the pages back, returning again, to the second page. He slid the picture back, folded, to its original arrangement. It looked out-of-place. In a sea of up-turned lips, it was blank, faceless. It was a stain on the once perfect life of Reno Milford. It just hadn't belonged.

It was so easy to hide away the things we didn't want others to see. It was easy to cover up our sins. What was Reno hiding that had to be cut away, irreversibly? Axel yawned, his eyes tearing with the effort. The opaque film now blurring fit the mystery clouding his brain. Was being real all it was cracked up to be? You could feel warmth, laughter, love. But you could feel pain too.

Was it worth it?

He glanced down scanning across the page. At the top, the two were together again, the father and the daughter. The little girl was making her way down a steep set of stairs; Reno went with her, watching and protecting each baby step. Axel had his answer. The picture wasn't living; it didn't have a heart or even feelings. But within its limits, something thrived. Again, the father looked upon his daughter and she looked back at him, love in their eyes.

It was worth it.

With a thud, he put the album back onto the oak night-stand. His neighbor was mumbling again, tossing and churning in his sleep. Axel relaxed backward, his torso falling downward onto the bed. Then, he closed his eyes letting the darkness wash over him. It felt quiet, resolute. Axel was Axel, but he was someone else too. Could he do it? Become someone else? His mind began to waver with exhaustion. Clarity dissolved. A glimpse flashed across his vision, unregistered.

It was a face unreachable, nearly forgotten, and nearly erased.

"Roxas..." Axel drifted away to a different world.

Author's Note: I feel like I've lost my manhood doing this, but comments would be appreciated? R and R? I just learned that term existed. I hardly ever venture outside my own little realm of fan-fiction. Anyone want their fan-fiction read? I'll totally try and get that done. I think the saddest part of this note is that, as a girl, I'm losing my manliness. Let us all have a moment of silence for the loss of LadyChou's manhood. Thank you for reading!


	7. Lost Control

_A ring of ash_

_stained my collar_

_Remnants of a broken_

_flame, synthetic fire._

_Dot of life-blood_

_white arms enclose,_

_Inside a black hole_

_smoldering_

_Synthetic fire-_

_I thought was real,_

_Breathing in the lie_

The wheels glided across the linoleum floor like a ghost ship stealing silently over dark waters. His hands pushed them forward, though an inner voice whispered to him words that unsettled his nerves. They were words of fear and uncertainty that told him he sailed to his doom. With a heart beating in his chest, it was only now that he feared failure because he now feared death, and all failures eventually led down that welcoming yet desolate path. His eyes dashed around the hall, looking everywhere but to where he knew they must eventually fall. Rooms surrounded him that were filled with strangers, strangers' whose eyes begged for freedom from anyone who would glance back. After a while, no one returned their gaze because they were afraid they might see themselves in their misery-ridden eyes, or they were guilty. People so lovingly promised, "It will all be okay," but they were only human, driven by their own self-preservation. So, when the doctor summoned those loved ones and told them that he showed no signs of improvement, they bowed their heads and broke their promises. This time what they whispered was not flowery words of hope but the truth: we don't have they money, and we're sorry. The patients, trapped in their own bodies, staring at blinding white walls, have already given up. Inside the hospital, a loneliness seeps into everyone's bones, even the caregivers, and if they're strong, they overcome it. If not, they come home to their husbands and children and cry over the cruelty of the world for which there is no cure, and the patients stare onward, desolation turning their eyes to stone, and pray for death. Soon, the loved ones forget to visit, enraptured with their own lives, and the patients will their minds and bodies away, leaving only the loneliness behind.

Axel sighed and shook his head as if that would rid him of the dark thoughts that prevailed in his mind. He glanced into a room adjacent to him now. The man in the bed was answering trivia questions the TV shouted at him, and a woman sat beside him, holding his hand, and answering a question here and there herself. Maybe it was all in his head after all. Maybe he was the only lonely one and broadcasted it onto others in an attempt to make himself feel that he wasn't so alone in his loneliness. Did he hear himself? He had officially lost it. He knew it would be a matter of time before he went mad while trapped in this body. That time had finally arrived.

"Oh!" A tiny, mouse-like voice squeaked above him, breaking him away from his self-debasement. Axel hadn't even noticed, but he'd arrived at his destination. A young, petite nurse stood above him now, leaning against the door frame. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, Reno. I was just about to find you; it's fifteen minutes past two." She said, glancing at the pink wristwatch that had been given to her as a present from her boyfriend. Axel knew this because in an attempt to distract her he'd asked her about the watch, and his plan had worked. Axel was familiar with clocks, of course. Unlike other things in this world like TVs and telephones, he knew them. However, playing dumb had its advantages; he'd learned that quickly in this world. With her, Axel had used his "ignorance" to learn her weakness, her boyfriend.

"Well, we better get started." She moved inside the room, holding the door back so that Axel could enter. "We're going to have put it in over-drive today. No play; all work." Her thin-lips turned up a weak smile. All the employees here seemed to have an invisible restraint diluting all of their emotions. They were never completely angry or sad; it was always something in between. They were hiding their true faces behind stony masks. This too felt familiar to Axel, almost as if he had once played that part. He rolled his shoulders back and wiggled his fingers, moving his body as a distraction from whatever was nagging at the edge of his mind. Glimpses of memory from the other world could flash in an instance, triggered by a touch, a word, a picture, or anything that resembled something he once knew. Sometimes, they started slow with an over-whelming sense of déjà vu, or like now, they ate away at him from the inside, just out of reach. And occasionally, just like now, they were accompanied with emotions that hadn't been there before: sadness, hate, anger…love? He didn't know. Without warning, they would consume his body, causing his limbs to tremble and his breathing to speed. Suddenly, he couldn't think straight; whatever emotion had invaded was now in control, and he didn't even know what had hit him. Axel couldn't say which was worse: not having control or having his control taken away by an unknown force. This time it was different though. Whatever was behind the nuisance in his brain, he knew its name: fear. That was why he had to keep the memory locked away because fear was the worst emotion of all.

"We're going to walk today. I can feel it in my bones." She announced, once again breaking him free from his convoluted thoughts. Leaning down to meet his gaze, her eyes sparkled with genuine optimism. She really believed this was the day. For some reason, this struck him as funny because no part of him believed he would ever walk. "Come on," She stood at the end of the parallel bars and stretched out her hand, beckoning. "Let's do this."

"_Give me your hand, kid." I stretched my hand out to meet his. At first, as if it was second nature, his hand jutted out, but before I could grab it, he pulled back, hesitating. I smiled a smile that screamed "I am your protector." There was something in his eyes I couldn't name but had seen before. It was some kind of want, something that pulls two people together._

"_Don't call me kid." He smiled back and slipped his hand against mine, really trusting me for the first time. I felt nothing. I looked downward at him, but he stared forward, away from me. He seemed so small standing against me so close. It'd probably be nothing to pick him up and fling him across the cobbled street. He seemed so much younger than the rest of us, so much weaker. I smiled to myself; I am the protector of the small. Then, we were gone; the shadows had swallowed us up, if only for a brief time._

_I had to stop him from stumbling off the tower. I forget how young he is. After all, he'd been "born" only a few months ago. At first, his eyes were wide with confusion, and then his face flashed with anger. He was angry a lot. _

"_W-what are we doing here?" He was mad at me because he felt embarrassed and weak. I laughed in his face, and in turn, his face flashed scarlet. I'm surprised he didn't kill me on the spot. _

"_Look," I draped my arm around him, gesturing with the other to the city below. "This is Twilight Town." The sun was setting, and every sand-colored building shone a blazing red, lighting the city ablaze._

"_Wow," And all the anger seeped away. "This is beautiful." His eyes too shone, glowing warmly. I didn't understand what he meant really. For some reason, I was drawn here. The sun sinks down; bathing everything in sanguine, and the people below scatter about, frantic. It's then that they know the day has ended, and there is nothing they can do to stop it. I smiled. It reminded me of fire, uncontrollable and free. Maybe that was it. Shadows and fire were all I had known. They were who I was…Who I am. Was that beauty? _

"_Why did you bring me here?" The boy asked softly. He didn't turn to look at me as he asked but continued to look at the scene below, mesmerized. I wondered what he saw. _

"_I was going to push you off," I patted him on the back, hard. He turned his head to look at me, his stare venomous. "Joking!" I smiled. "Wait here. I'll be right back." I disappeared just in time to avoid his punch. _

_A moment later, we were both sitting on the edge of the watchtower with two salt sea ice creams each in hand. His face was covered in blue, and he was smiling. I had never seen another member smiling so openly before, without playing some game. He was smiling just to smile. I didn't understand how that was possible. _

"_This is really good, Axel!" He turned his grin toward me, and for some reason, I smiled back. Maybe that wasn't entirely true. I wish I could say my smile was spontaneous, brought on from some emotion I saw in him, but the truth was I was playing a game, a game on him. I knew how the humans worked. I knew how he worked. "This was the best day." He turned back to his ice cream only to find that it had disappeared. And then, so did his smile. I was too ignorant to understand false happiness. I didn't know his smile was a dream he displayed, a hope he fervently wished for. He was a nobody. Even if he had a heart, he would never know happiness._

"_Inside, I feel empty." His hand went to his breast then, as if searching for a heart. I don't think he knew then what I knew. He wouldn't look at me because he was ashamed. "It's like something is missing." I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. I've never felt that way. I've never felt anything. _

"_The humans have a word for that," If I'd never felt it, I knew it. I knew them all. That's how you become good at playing the game; you become adept at deception. _

"_Yeah?" He tried to fit that smile back onto his face though tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes. He held back because part of him knew I wouldn't understand. Part of him knew it wasn't normal for a nobody to cry. Part of him knew the truth about me too. _

"_They call it loneliness, I think." My face was impassive; I had donned my mask. He looked at me then, and his eyes beseeched my help. I smiled tenderly. I had learned this from watching mothers soothing children to sleep. Then, I reached my hand out to him again._

_"But from now on," Acid should've burned my tongue, but it didn't. "You don't have to feel that way anymore," I smiled a sickly sweet smile. "Because I'm here now to watch over you." The lie fell so easily from my lips, just like it had a million times before. Again, he puts his hand into mine, except this time he does not hesitate. _

_I am not the protector; I am the shadow that swallows all. _

The nurse waited, hand out-stretched, but his hand never met hers. Unwilled, her fingers curled forward into a fist, shaking with uncertainty and resignation.

"Reno?" She cooed, leaning forward and cocking her head in question. Axel's shoulders hunched forward, his head hung down to his breast, and unkempt hair hid his raving eyes. "Come on," She smiled though fear was slowly building inside her. The feeling wasn't new; every time she walked into the door for work or prepared to give a patient his meds, the same doubt whispered in her ear. What if she made a mistake? What if she wasn't strong enough this time? What if...

Something savage and new too whispered obscenities in Axel's ears. The fervor ripped through his body like lightning until every nerve was ablaze. His head pounded, worsening as once-forgotten memories bombarded his vision. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't make them disappear. Why did nightmares visit him so often, and sweet memories rest at the tip of his tongue, close enough to taunt but too far to reach?

"Reno," She again reached out except with greater hesitation. "Don't you want to walk?" Her fingers, bare and unprotected, trembled as she waited for his answer.

Axel heard the words as if they called from afar and from someone whose voice was not permitted to swirl amongst his bestial memories. Usually, remembering this, her calming voice would've rescued him from the storm that now consumed him, but instead, the face behind the voice was lost, and her words were devoured by the monstrous fervor and corrupted in his memory as something wholly evil and foreign. The face behind the words could only belong to a monster that wished to prey upon his fear because now, beneath the raging stupor, fear was now building up, trickling fuel onto his already blazing nerves. The whispered words now transformed into new words spoken by the spiteful demon: "you will fail just like before." These words flew like darts to his over-burdened heart, and when they struck, he exploded.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Axel grabbed her extended wrist and pulled her forward. The nurse stumbled forward, losing her balance, onto her knees in front of him. Her eyes widened with shock. Never had she seen such violence exuded from him. In her surprise, she'd lost her control, and now, fear for the unknown consequences terrorized her heart. Staring downward at the woman, the fiend, hatred burned in his eyes and bore a hole through her. He could kill her. He felt rage and strength pulsating through his hands. His grip on her hand tightened, but she didn't resist. She tried to make her face impassive and calm, but he could still see the disgusting fear writhing in her heart. She didn't speak for fear of provoking him further. Isn't that what had gotten in this situation in the first place? Then, memory of a similar encounter dominated over the wicked memories that teased his mind. In the memory, there was a blond woman named Victoria who massaged bruised wrists, and through her eyes he saw a wounded soul. Had he done that? Suddenly, he became sickly aware of the violent-nature in which he held the nurse's wrist; how he could feel her trembling under his grasp. Panic took control and his fingers fell away as if burned. What had come over him? He stared at his hands, trembling now also. What was this sensation that consumed him so completely?

And then, it came to him: hate. Hate. He whispered the word inwardly. Hate was like fire, uncontrollable and fierce, only unlike fire, it had made Axel into its puppet. Emotions were wondrous but also frighteningly powerful. Suddenly and fervently, he wished he'd disappeared then in purgatory. Maybe, emotions were too much of a responsibility to handle. What if he hurt someone again? He'd hurt people in the past, he knew. He saw that boy's face, the boy who haunted his dreams and nightmares, twisted in pain. He saw it again and again, and he knew that had been his doing. Now, unlike then, he could feel the remorse and regret for the past, and self-hatred too wove its way into his heart. If only he could go back to that place and make everything right again. But he knew he'd failed, and there was no magical portal in this world to take him where he pleased. But there was one thing he could do. He could promise himself that he would never fail again. Then, he remembered the fear that too lay hidden beneath his breast. He looked at the nurse who was now standing, massaging her wrist with her other hand.

"I don't want to walk." He said, barely audible. She looked at him, surprise and weariness apparent in her appraisal, but she saw too that the anger had seeped away from his bones. She didn't call the doctor either because a fit like this had occurred once before. The doctors described Reno as being sensitive mentally, almost like a child. He'd forgotten most of his life, and even had delusions of another life he'd lived, but he was getting better, at least it seemed so until now. He told the medical staff that memories would come to him suddenly, and he'd even whisper names in his slumber of those he was once acquainted. During their sessions, he'd often daze off into some dreamland where lost memories play like a movie reel. But most of the time a gentle nudge would bring him back to reality. There was only one other time he had been affected so violently by his confused dreams; the time he had fallen.

_Moonlight poured in through the hospital window. As clouds gently flew past the glowing goddess, the light glided across the floor, shifting patterns with each passing. A lonely fly buzzed about the room, trapped with its slumbering occupants. He would live the rest of his life out here. When the sun came up, he would be dead. He would never know the touch of another of his kind; all he would know is the passing touch of moonlight. Dual beats too accompanied this cacophony of night life. They beat out a solid rhythm, the beat of two pulsating hearts. Beneath that, softer sounds added to the seemingly lifeless room: human breathing. One was even, barely noticeable. The other's came more quickly, almost frantic. _

_The moonlight struck Axel's face, his eyes gleaming hauntingly as if possessed by a demon. On the outside, life went on quietly. Inside, Axel was screaming._

_He heard the fly buzzing, the man breathing, and the incessant beating, over and over and over. Where was he? What was that noise? Staring out into darkness, Axel saw the red-eyed beast glaring back at him. It beat a demonic rhythm ever fast, coming ever closer. Snakes grew from the machine like arms, and their fangs dug into Axel's flesh, buried deep inside his veins. They gulped down his blood and regurgitated it to feed their master. He wanted them out! He commanded his hands to seize them, but they felt like jell-o, numb and useless! He swung his arms haphazardly back and forth, the snakes swaying with them. He didn't know what to do. He had no control._

_So, this was death? _

_Then, something akin to fire began to spread throughout his body. He could feel it waging a war with the numbness. As the fire ate away at it, emotions overwhelmed him. A pressure of release was growing inside his limbs, and if they were not granted reprieve, they would explode! And then, it was over. He wiggled his fingers. They labored with the movement, but still they moved. Fatigue attempted to consume his body, but a fire still burned inside him. He had not forgotten the beast that mocked him in the darkness. It had slowed its calls now, as if stunned by Axel's feat of mobility, but it was there, waiting. _

_Axel knew what he had to do, and he only had one chance. His body wasn't strong enough to try again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe._

_Again, he heard the fly, the man, and above all, the monster. Just as Axel opened his eyes, a cloud unmasked its mistress, and the moon lit his determined face ablaze. And that's when he lunged. _

_He didn't feel the tubes rip from his veins or realize that it was not rain but his blood that now showered onto his legs. His legs swung out from beneath him, uncontrollable just as his arms had been, but Axel had eyes only for the monster staring back at him. His long arms reached out, and somehow, he found his enemy. With all the strength he had left, he pushed. The machine toppled backward, but with the effort, Axel followed after. _

_His legs couldn't save him because Axel had lost the ability to walk._

_He fell, drenched in his own blood, and the monster continued to beep again and again and again, slower and slower._

. It wasn't long before they'd found him there. The strange uniformed people, he knew them now as nurses, whispered above him, shaking their heads. He could hear them, but he was doused in darkness once again, only this time it was a shallow sea. When he had woken up, one of them was waiting there. She told him he was lucky that he hadn't slipped back into the coma and that she and another had been keeping an eye on him, making sure he would wake up. When they informed Victoria, she was beside herself. That's when she told him that he must be a very lucky man to have such a devout friend. Then, Axel hadn't known her. The incident occurred soon after he had first awoken. Then, he'd pointed to the machine calling it a "monster." The nurse laughed at first, but then, realization struck her. She asked, "do you know what a hospital is?' Her eyebrows were scrunched down, and her lips were set in a grim line. When he said that he didn't she said, "I'll be right back." The doctors ran more tests, and eventually, they introduced him to the monster, a cardiogram. Axel met his heart.

"Reno," Tenderness rang in the nurse's voice as she approached where he sat. She knelt down then in front of him; this time on her own accord. With gentleness, she took his chin into her small fingers and lifted his drooping head to meet her steady gaze. "Reno, I promise you this will not be like before. I won't let you fall." She spoke with such honesty that Axel wanted to believe her, but part of him, perhaps that same hatred that lurked in the shadows of his heart, thought it be lies. Unconsciously, he shook his head, and she removed her fingers, a murmur of defeat discouraging her actions, but she did not stop. Other nurses would've abandoned the task then, told him he was impossible, and disappeared outside to smoke a cigarette. After showing the Head of Medicine their bruises, they would've demanded to be removed from the case. Perhaps that would've been her on some other day under some other circumstance, but she knew if she left now, he would never walk. He'd be contented to give up, thinking himself alone in every endeavor, in every world. She pitied his loneliness just as she did her own.

"Reno," She still leant over him but kept her hands at her side. "I can't say I know what it's like to wake up in a strange place, but we want to help you. You may have been alone in that darkness or whatever it was, but now, you have us, and I swear I won't let you fall." She smiled, stretching out her hand one more time. "Please, give it a try." And she waited, dreading the answer. She did not want to fail.

With her small, child-like fingers stretched out before him, he was reminded of someone. And, feeling what he couldn't feel then, he thought he'd be happy to take that hand if it had been his. If he couldn't get back to the other world, he'd start making up for his past failures in this one.

"Okay," He gulped, attempting to stifle his fear. "I'll try."

By the time Axel had slunk back into his wheelchair, the whole ordeal had seemed like a dream. He felt like a deflated balloon. The actual session had been relatively short, but he was drained; the nurse was elated.

"I'm so proud of you, Reno!" She rested her palm on his shoulder. "Walking to your wheelchair without the parallel bars...Well, that was just great. You've made a lot of progress." Part of her was also praising herself for her motivational speaking, and in actuality, Axel hadn't even realized he was walking without the bars because he was too tired to care. He wanted that chair to sit in!

"I know you're tired," She removed her palm from his shoulder and placed it instead on her chin inquisitively. "But I want to show you something. I think it'll be a good change of scenery, and it's also a great place to take a breather. Are you up to it?" She smiled a little too excitedly, but Axel nodded anyway. Even though he was tired, he still had an adventurous spirit.

"All right then, off we go!" She grabbed the bars at the back of the chair and wheeled him out the door. She'd give his arms a rest for now. The ride felt like it took an eternity. Axel dozed in and out as they traversed through hall after hall he'd never seen before. He would've paid more attention, but he had to save some energy for the prize at the end, right? What he did remember was that they'd traveled through a hall unlike the others he'd seen. This hall was not decorated in the usually bland white but with smiling animals and trains against a soft pastel backdrop. The humanoid animals seemed familiar for some reason. The strangest thing about the hall was that he swore in the distance he could he children's voices. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see such a place as this being fit for children. Then, they arrived at an elevator. The elevator struck a note of familiarity with his world but not this time. He had traveled up and down the hospital's elevators many times to go to his therapy sessions, and now, they were a part of the every day routine. As the two of them traveled down, the nurse drummed her fingers against Axel's chair impatiently. He wondered what made her so anxious. What was this hospital hiding?

The elevator doors slid open to reveal a large room with a tall ceiling and tall windows. Like everything in the hospital, the walls were predominantly white, yet in this room, light emanated from them like a halo illuminating an angel's head. "This is the first floor." She wheeled him forward, and the enormity of the room swallowed him up until he felt like an insignificant fly buzzing on a window pane, but the feeling was not unwanted. Openness was a welcomed friend he had longed missed, and for the first time, he felt a part of the freedom he'd lost returned to him. He liked this venture already. His nurse plowed onward with an unstoppable determination. She pointed out sites as they passed but in her anxiousness, did not give Axel time to reflect upon them. She pointed out the nurse's station explaining its importance in running the hospital smoothly. Then, she explained the lounge and gift shop. Axel's head was spinning with all the new information.

"Are you doing okay, Reno?" She looked downward at him but did not pause in her flight. "We didn't allow you to venture out on your own so often before because we thought it might overwhelm you, but you're doing okay, right?" Her eyebrows knit down, slights of concern and guilt making themselves apparent. Axel only nodded in reply. He didn't want to give away his confusion because underneath it, he was excited.

"All right! We have arrived!" She patted him on the back and stretched out her arm to convey a sense of finality and grandeur. Axel had no idea what was going on. Waiting for his response, she finally noticed his bewilderment. "Oh, sorry, hon. Okay." She left him briefly to open the door to the room that stood before them. "Come in," The nurse motioned for him to roll forward. Axel suddenly felt very uncertain. The room was very dark and secluded, but part of him didn't care. That part pushed his wheel chair forward into the mysterious room.

Axel was breathless. How could such a room exist here in this dreadful place? Unconscious of his movement, he wheeled forward, captivated by the scene that surrounded him. He was bewildered yet fascinated. The room was covered in plants and trees of every species, and up above a brilliant sun shone down on him. What was this place?

"This is the solarium!" The nurse said almost as if she could hear his thoughts. "I'll come for you in an hour, and if you have any questions you can ask me then, okay?" Axel nodded, too mesmerized to make eye contact. He did, however, understand that she was giving him a little independence back. He also knew that he probably shouldn't mention his visit here to any of the other staff unless he wanted his nurse to get in trouble. He smiled then. Now, he could use black mail to get out of therapy as well as distractions. He shook his head. She had given him an hour of spring in an eternity of winter, and he would not repay her with betrayal.

He wondered through the solarium inspecting every flower, every insect, and every rock. Nothing was left unanalyzed or untouched. For the first time, he felt like there was a world beyond his small, confining hospital room. Maybe there was even a way to get back to his home. He didn't know. Right now, anything seemed possible. He inhaled deeply. The air was so fresh, and the smell that surrounded him was so invigorating! _Cough._ A new, acrid stench wafted into his nostrils. It was unlike anything he'd encountered here yet oddly familiar. He swiveled his head around, sniffing the air, trying to locate the source of the smell. Axel felt like a child! Everything was so new, and every encounter was a mystery waiting to be solved! Never having had a childhood, the sensation was strangely pleasant. There! He saw a small, piercing red light shining amongst the shrubbery. Then, it disappeared again, but wait, there it was again! Axel wheeled forward, further into the solarium, chasing after the mischievous firefly. As he proceeded, the plants became scarcer and scarcer until he found himself in an area with only four potted plants stationed at the corners of the room. Two benches pressed against the sides of the solarium to Axel's left and right. Glass, letting the sun shine down from everywhere, enclosed the room. Axel had not been so aware of the glass walls before now, and part of his elatedness disappeared with a new sense of never-ending imprisonment. Axel, occupied with his own self-reflection, hadn't even noticed he'd found his firefly, only it wasn't a firefly; it was a man. The man coughed, breaking the haunting silence of the solarium, and Axel's hands, startled by the noise, flew to his wheels, ready to make a quick escape.

"Where ya goin' there, son?" The noise had now formed words. Axel, collecting himself, followed the voice to its master. Leaning against the left wall, hidden behind one of the potted plants, stood an elderly man dressed in a hospital gown and track pants. Axel couldn't help but stare because he'd never seen someone quite like him, in his world or any other. The man had strange spots that decorated the top of his bald skull and hairy arms accompanied by a myriad of wrinkles all over his body.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer." The man, his face affixed in a scowl, grunted. Axel wasn't sure if the man was entirely human.

"Sorry," Axel mumbled. He wasn't too dense or vacant to misunderstand the man's words. His curiosity, however, wouldn't listen to his common sense. It didn't even cross his mind that the man could cause him serious harm, and gravely ill himself, didn't care if he beat up a stranger in a wheel chair. He did manage to pull himself away from staring at the strange man's appearance if only to concentrate on the strange white stick he held between his fingers.

"I've never seen someone look as dumb as you. What? You want a smoke or somethin'?" The man's fingers were accustomed to holding the stick. His index finger maneuvered atop it, shaking grey debris from its tip. As fascinated as Axel was with the object, he hadn't missed the insult.

"And I've never seen someone as old as you." Vengeance was not the culprit behind his words but mischief. Little by little, stuck playing out this charade, he'd regain his former self. Then, surprisingly, the man laughed.

"I guess I deserved that. Here," Again with the ease of practice, the man pulled out a pack of the white sticks and flung one into Axel's lap using only one hand. "Have one. That's not the cheap crap either. So, enjoy." He took his own advice by taking a long drag off the white stick Axel lifted the stick from his lap, not really sure what to do with it.

"Um," He mumbled. Should he ask about it and risk looking stupid or go ahead? Go ahead, a voice whispered. What did he have to lose? He'd allowed fear to control him too long, and he wanted his control back. "What is this thing?" Axel said, lifting it up between to fingers. He was trying to mimic the man's carry but something wasn't right.

"I see. Very funny, boy. Ha, ha. I'm so old cigarettes are out-dated. I don't do any illegal drugs like you kids seem to be into. That's what you get for being raised by hippies. Beatniks," He grumbled beneath his breath. The man waited for Axel's admittance, but instead, his face appeared deeply confused. What were hippies?

"All be," The man stood upright from the wall. Surprise had taken control of his muscles and propelled him forward to inspect the man before him. "You've never heard of a cigarette? A smoke? Tobacco?" As the words fell from his mouth, Axel's eyebrows scrunched closer and closer together. "Well, damn! Put it between your lips." Hesitantly, Axel slipped the "cigarette" into his mouth. "All right, all right. Good." Then, the man reached into his track pants and pulled out another unfamiliar device. He moved in closer to Axel until he was standing right above him. He moved the device close to the end of Axel's "smoke," and then, with the flick of thumb, the device was afire. Axel didn't move, couldn't move. He stared forward at the flame that danced between his eyes. He wanted to touch it, tease it, control it, but he was frozen to the spot. Unaware of Axel's sudden fascination, the man lit Axel's cigarette up, and the flame quickly disappeared.

"Wait," Axel managed to say, but subsequently, he inhaled. His chest was suddenly seized with coughing. Axel tore the cigarette away from his lips.

"Yeah, don't worry." The man patted him on the back. "We all start out that way, but trust me, it gets better." The man took Axel's hand which held the cigarette and brought it back to his lips. "Here, be a man and take another drag." For some unexplainable reason, he did. The man was right though; it wasn't so bad after a while. Time quickly passed with the man watching Axel's face, twisting in an assortment of expressions, as he smoked his first cigarette. Beneath all these new sensations, Axel couldn't stop thinking about the device the man had tucked away into his pocket. More than anything in this world, he wanted it. He wanted fire at his fingertips. After a while, his cigarette dwindled to ash, and the man offered him another. He didn't really want another, but knowing it would bring the device out again, he consented.

"All right, let me light ya up," The lighter appeared again before his eyes.

"Wait," Axel stopped. He had been afraid to ask about the cigarette, but he wasn't afraid of this. He had to know. "What is that?" Axel pointed the device the man held up.

"This? It's a lighter." The man raised an eyebrow, but then he saw the seriousness with which Axel spoke. "You don't know what a lighter is? Where have you been all your life, son? Has your head been in a hole?" He scratched his bald head then, intrigued by his new companion's ignorance.

"It makes fire." Axel said more to himself than anyone. The "lighter" shined in the man's palm which now rested at his side. Axel wanted it.

"Well, yeah. It's used for lighting things. Hence, it's name, "lighter." He shrugged. It was simple.

"But how?" Axel was behaving like an entirely different person. His eyes sparkled with the hope to touch that beautiful device. He looked like an addict, but he wasn't addicted to the drug; he was addicted to the device.

"Well," He lifted the lighter up so Axel could see it again. "There's some kind of fuel in here I guess." He shook the lighter, and some hidden liquid sloshed against its sides. "And when you press your thumb here," He pressed his thumb against the metal top. "And pull down." He pulled, and the fire once again appeared. "I guess it causes some kind of friction or something that sparks the fuel." He shrugged; lifting his thumb and making the fire disappear. Axel frowned, disappointed by the fire's short life.

"So, it isn't real fire?" The fire Axel new existed in every organism, every object. Life was fire, and life was everywhere. All Axel had to do was command it, and fire would envelop his foe. But this fire couldn't be real. It had been restricted to exist imprisoned in a small container, and then used to light cigarettes? Any fool could get a hold of the lighter and wield it as he pleased. They didn't realize its true power. What a pathetic existence to live bottled up in a lie. No. This wasn't real fire. This was synthetic fire.

Then, something clicked. Axel used to be free and uncontrollable, but now he was trapped living the life of a pathetic, emotional man.

"Here," The man tossed the lighter into Axel's lap. It rested there beside an unlit cigarette. "Light your own." Axel stared it for what seemed like ages to him. Part of him, disgusted, didn't want to touch the false fire. Part of him whispered the truth, a truth Axel didn't want to hear.

_You are synthetic. You are not real._ _You are a lie._

Axel's wrapped his fingers around the lighter and placed his thumb at the top. It didn't whisper to him its rage, and it didn't fill him with power. He flicked his thumb. The small flame danced, reflected in his emerald eyes.

"Flurry of dancing flames," He whispered the phrase. He didn't know what it meant. He didn't know where it'd come from, but he liked the sound, however untrue it was. This was no flurry, and only a singular flame trembled in an invisible wind.

"That cigarettes from my cheaper pack. I gotta save the nicer ones. I have to sneak to get 'em anyway." Axel wasn't paying attention, but the man continued anyway. "Sometimes you just have to accept what life gives I guess, despite how crappy it is." He laughed then, patting Axel hard on the back.

"Life is a lot like a cigarette, ya know. It's nice for a while and then it all just turns to crap! We don't have much time before everything turns to ash, so don't go wastin' it. You're young, but you're here, so maybe life's already punched you in the face." He took another long drag from his cigarette.

He couldn't remember a lot of where he was before his journey to this world, but was it better than being here, alive? Was it better than at least being able to remember the other world, to remember a past friend? No, it wasn't. Maybe, he'd never get home. He smiled at himself. It was ridiculous to even think he could go back. It wasn't so bad here. He could make Victoria smile, and at least that was something. He could accept synthetic fire. He could accept his failure, and maybe, even Reno?

He brought the cigarette to his lips and lit it, inhaling deeply. The flame in the lighter may have seemed small, but he knew it could grow into a monster. He knew it had power. Even if he was a lie, Axel didn't have to die. He still had control. He could accept this world, but that didn't mean he had to give up. He would never give up. He wouldn't let fear stop him again.

"My name's Jerry by the way." The old man said grabbing another cigarette from his pocket.

"My name's" He paused, not sure what he really wanted to say. "Reno." On the outside, he would accept the name as his own.

"Well, Reno, you can keep that lighter. I don't need it anymore." He smiled sadly. "Life's too short, and then you die." He nodded to himself and tapped the ash from his cigarette.

Axel thought truer words had never been spoken.

Author's Note: Wow. This ended up being extremely long. __ So. Been a long time. Maybe the length of this can make up for my absence? Happy Belated Akuroku Day! :3 R & R, please!


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